Quarrel

Photo by Dmitry Ermakov on Unsplash

I had a drinking problem and all the patrons knew it but no one would ever be straight with me. Angeline was different because she was honest. She liked to hang out at the bar with her friends. She was older than me but she was fresh and alive. The Carpenters’ song “For All We Know” always played on the jukebox and she would jump on the karaoke stage and sing it. She knew every word. She didn’t care everyone watched her. She didn’t care the song annoyed everyone. One night I offered to buy her a drink and she asked for a double martini, extra dry. We talked for a while about our families and our previous relationships and our hopes. She came from a large family who fought a lot. I told her I was an only child and my mom died from pneumonia when I was seventeen years old. I told her my father and me hadn’t seen each other in almost twenty years. We sat and talked about other things too. When the bar closed I took her home with me.

We were serious for nine months before I asked her to marry me. She said okay and we were married at the courthouse the following week. Pete the Greek from the pool hall and Armando from the bar were the only ones who witnessed our ceremony. Pete insisted on tipping the judge. Angeline said she came from a large family but no one came to the wedding or even sent a card. It was probably because they fought a lot. Angeline said they probably wouldn’t approve of the marriage because they didn’t think she would be a good wife because of her lifestyle. I promised her I would help her clean up. I stopped drinking too. I quit cold turkey for five months before falling off the wagon one night at a barbeque at Sam’s house. Sam was one of Angeline’s friends from the bar. Angeline screamed at me that she never felt that embarrassed before. Everyone laughed at us. Angeline never stopped drinking. She just slowed down a little bit.

I told her I wanted to have a son and she agreed. She told me that she had two abortions and she wasn’t sure how her body would respond to being pregnant. I never asked who the guys were that got her pregnant but the thought never left my mind the entire time we were married. She was older than me. I wondered if she loved those guys more than she loved me. The only thing I could think of when Angeline told me she was finally pregnant after trying for eight months was if she was going to abort this pregnancy.

It didn’t seem like I was drinking a lot but when your wife tells you she lost the pregnancy your emotions get the best of you. I thought it was maybe something I did. I asked her if she loved the other guys as much as me. I wanted to know. Angeline was always yelling at me to get sober but I couldn’t beat my demons. She said she came from a large family and didn’t need any more of this shit. I think all the stress I caused her made her lose the pregnancy. It just didn’t seem like I was drinking a lot but Angeline knew differently.

Angeline told me she will always love me but she can’t be with someone who doesn’t love himself. I told her she was perfect and I will do everything I can to change but she was wrong because I did love myself. I promised her we would have a baby together and she would be the greatest mother. I told her I stopped thinking of those other guys. She said she didn’t believe me. She said people don’t change, just people’s perceptions of the person changes. She said my drinking and my behavior meant we would never have a baby and it was hard for her to accept that because she came from a large family. She gave me a kiss on my forehead and said she believed in me. I promised her I could rid myself of my demons. The door slammed when she left. I never heard a door slam that loud before.

One night a year later I found out from a mutual friend that Angeline met someone at the Village Tavern and had finally gotten pregnant. He was an electrical contractor from Bensenville who lost his first wife to ovarian cancer. The same night I found out about Angeline a teenage drunk driver drove his truck into my lane and smashed my car head-on. My legs were pinned in the twisted metal. The teenage driver in the other car suffered severe head injuries and doctors told his family he would never be the same again. After the accident I lost my job because of my addiction to Oxy. It’s taken me a long time but I’m finally getting sober now and hope to get back on my feet soon. I never did hear from the mutual friend again.